When I hear people say they can’t afford therapy, I wonder if they’ve considered the cost of not getting the help they need?
Then I remember that not everyone understands how much pain they actually carry and how it shapes every choice they make.
At my lowest point in life, there was no other option but to go to therapy. I had been hanging on, barely. My view on life and my future was extremely grim. I knew with 100% certainty that something had to change. Somewhere deep down, I knew that I was the only one who held the key to my invisible cage that I had been living in. I wasn’t really living. I was surviving. And I was desperate for help.
I could see that the way I was moving through the world had to change. My emotional pain was so great that I could feel something was wrong. There is a cost to receiving therapy, but there are hidden costs of not receiving it. Embarking on the inward journey takes money, of course. It also takes the courageous ability to say goodbye to your old identity. An identity that wasn’t truly serving you any longer as an adult.
When most people say they can’t afford therapy monetarily, do they actually mean something deeper? Healing requires confrontation. If this current version of me doesn’t feel quite right and my view of myself is distorted, then who is the more healed version of me? Who really am I?
01. Your Coping Costs Money
People often think of the financial cost of receiving therapy. Therapy typically isn’t a quick process. It is an investment of money, time, and effort.
But what about other costs?
When we don’t process our pain, we have to cope somehow. Maybe it’s emotional eating, overworking, compulsive shopping, doomscrolling, people-pleasing, or substances. It could also be an inability to start new things or pivot in a new direction. A path that holds more amazing things could be waiting for you. More money. Healthier relationship. Life-changing retreat. A career you love. A life you made.
Whatever you long for, there’s a reason it’s on your heart. You can only see a limited view right now. It might not make sense. The things you desire aren’t random.
What if a more healed version of you had the courage to make different choices, start that business, go back to school, or share your art with the world? Whatever it is that you are hiding or have dismissed, what if it’s meant to be brought to life? What if therapy can help guide you to the freedom to be your authentic self?
02. You’re Teaching Your Children How To Treat Themselves
Whatever we don’t address, process, and heal has a way of continuing with the next generation. Many parents take care of their children’s needs but neglect their own. Behavior is learned.
If your children see you putting yourself last, they may learn to put themselves last too. If you are able to show up for yourself, express your emotions, and model healthy boundaries, then they know how to do it too.
The more time you’ve spent understanding yourself, the better you can meet your children where they are. When you have compassion for yourself, you can truly have compassion for others. People who have a healthy sense of self-worth make more aligned choices. They go after their dreams; they set standards for how they are treated. They take responsibility for their actions. They express their emotions and needs. Self-care is not selfish.
03. You Never Truly Feel At Home
Since the beginning of my life, I have had a longing for home.
Of course, I was adopted, and I’m sure this contributed to the feeling of longing for home. I have heard others speak of this feeling too. Home can have so many meanings. Feeling at home: in your body. In your family. In your house. With your beloved. In your career. On Earth. It all starts by feeling at home in your own body.
Therapy helped me get to know myself on deeper levels in all of these areas. When you’ve been so disconnected and buried parts of yourself or made yourself smaller—the darkness can feel like home. The pain can feel like home. This is what I experienced.
A few months into trauma therapy, I realized that I had been shrouded in darkness for so long that my light hurt my eyes. Beginning to look upon my more positive qualities and gifts was uncomfortable. It felt forbidden. I was beginning to look at parts of me that I had locked away or dismissed.
Even though the pain and the darkness felt terrible, it still felt like home. Therapy helped guide me to a new feeling of home, and this radiated out into every area of my life. I began showing up differently in the world. Rather than waiting for the world to be different, I was different. Little by little, I began to take up more space, feeling more at ease with myself.
04. You Spend Energy On The Opposite Thing You Actually Want
Have you heard the quote by Carl Jung, “What you resist, persists”?
When we don’t acknowledge how much we are struggling, nothing will change. Sometimes we just keep waiting for it to be better one day. But if we aren’t taking action to make it better, then how is it going to get better? This pattern can last years or decades.
For much of my life, I believed that if I cried enough tears, I would eventually feel better. This only kept me chained to the same pattern, the same life, the same longing for things to be different. Feeling resentment or numbness could be a sign that you are ignoring your need for support. Facing my need for help by walking to a trauma therapist’s office changed the course of my life.
05. Is Your Normal, Really Normal?
I used to walk around feeling miserable but convincing myself that I wasn’t. I believed that if I did everything my parents and society told me to do, I would inevitably find happiness. The more I did what everyone else was doing, the more insane and wrong I felt. I broke myself trying to belong in places where I didn’t belong. The way I felt about myself seemed normal. Every decision I made was laced with perfection. I would force myself to be perfect even while doing things I didn’t want to do. I convinced myself that other people’s way was my way, no matter how wrong it felt in my body. I buried who I was to go down the path my parents wanted me to. But my parents didn’t even really know me. For the first three decades of my life, I didn’t have any trust in myself. It felt normal. It wasn’t.
Lasting Thoughts
The most important investment you will ever make is in yourself.
Choose wisely.
Waiting or not choosing is still a choice.
Talk soon,
Stephanie
Leave a Reply