Reasons You feel like an impostor

What if experiencing the impostor feeling is not something to overcome, but it’s information to be listened to? Are you tired of feeling like an impostor? Like you don’t belong? Like you wish you could burn everything down? And your true path feels a thousand years away? You aren’t alone. I’ve been reflecting on this. For me, I’ve found that it’s very layered. I’m wondering if anyone else is experiencing this, too?

In the online space, I see so much information on how to overcome feeling like an impostor. That impostor sydrone is something to fix or ignore—fake it till you make it and all that. Well, what if you are an impostor, and those feelings could be pivotal information letting you know something isn’t quite right? Let’s explore what could be happening underneath those impostor feelings.

You’re New at Something

Could you be confusing your being new at something with feeling like an impostor? Now that I’ve attempted so many paths to find my path, I can feel the difference. Looking back, when I began dance and then aerial years later, I was new. While I was new, I still felt as though I belonged. When I attempted different careers that weren’t truly aligned, I was new to them, but I never felt like I belonged. No matter how much I tried, studied, or practiced, it always felt forced. I wasn’t effortlessly drawn to them either. The difference is subtle, but it is there. Think back to times when you were new, but also belonged. Don’t get hung up on the details of the environment or the people. Not every environment or space is perfect, but in general, what were you doing when you felt like you belonged? Even if you are new at something but still in alignment, you will probably still feel a sense of belonging.

Leaning Into Your Weaknesses Rather Than Your Strengths

It’s much easier to see the areas where we need the most improvement than the areas where we are excelling. It’s easy to overlook our strengths and talents. I wonder if other people have the same tendency I have to focus on getting better at the things I’m worst at, rather than just getting support with them? The areas where we struggle are the same areas where someone else excels. To be truly aligned, we must focus more on our talents, gifts, and passions and get support with all the rest. I often feel like I need to be an expert or at least proficient at every little aspect. When I find myself in the depths of trying to grasp the difficult things, my energy depletes, overwhelm sets in, and reaching my goals seems impossible. When I focus and spend time on what comes naturally to me, my energy and clarity increase. Being natural at something doesn’t mean you are proficient out of the gate, but learning and practicing the skill has a certain ease and motivation with it. Focus on your talents & passions, get help with the rest.

Getting distracted with life things

Do you keep putting your dreams last? I have noticed that I have a tendency to want to get all the trivial stuff out of the way. When all the cooking, dishes, laundry, and errands are taken care of, then I will be ready to work. All those things are never-ending, and all of those things are draining for me. When I began to do the things I was passionate about first, I found that I had more energy for all the other mundane things. I was actually making progress towards my goals rather than feeling like I was in quicksand. Stop putting your passions last. Put your action toward what you actually want to do before all the other stuff. Lean into what you are the best at first, and it will keep building upon itself. You will have more energy, more creativity, more ideas when you focus on doing the things that are related to building the life you want to create. Turn your dreams into plans. Make your plans tangible.

Not Forging Your Own Path

Are you forging your own path or someone else’s? Sometimes our sense of self and our identity are so shattered or buried that we can’t fathom coming up with our own path. We see someone else’s success and proceed to follow their path. Do you feel like you, on that path, or like you are forcing yourself to become someone else?

At this point in my life, I have gone down so many different career paths, none of them really felt like mine. Each path felt like I had to become a whole new person each time. I diligently studied each path. When it came time for action, none of it seemed to come naturally. Like I was missing this invisible piece to make it work. I loved studying and learning—definitely a safe and cozy area for me. But then, when it came time to go forth to build, nothing worked. I spent money to make money. I networked. I faked it till I made it. I felt like I was playing a role.

The one thing—the only thing— I didn’t do— was follow my actual passions. I had been following paths that were adjacent to my true path. Reiki, sound healing, and somatic healing were all in the realm of healing. In all of these modalities, I watched others have success. I couldn’t get off the starting line, and it didn’t make sense. As much work as I put into those things, years, money, energy put into these paths, putting myself out in the world, getting out of my comfort zone. Nothing went forward. Ever. It felt like I had to become someone else entirely, each time. And it didn’t really seem like this was the case for other people, or for my mentors.

I struggled with my identity for many reasons throughout my life. Feeling profoundly lost contributed to my compulsion to find a path. I was copying what I saw from others rather than forging my own because who the hell am I anyway? I was so obsessed with making anything work. Following what others had done seemed like the thing to do to earn my own success. Though following others meant I was hiding. In what ways have you been hiding?

So much of the information found online tells us how to be someone else. Follow what they did to be successful, to make money. Those courses and programs work for some people, I guess, but the people they work for are probably already aligned enough in their truth. I’ve taken many courses and programs from people online, and I have always learned something. The ironic thing is that what I learned was how to trust in myself more. I never received what the program promised me anyway. Are you trying to force someone else’s path to happen for you, or are you embodying your own unique path?

You’ve been dismissing what is aligned

Over the last couple of years, I seem to be getting closer to finding my path. I believe it’s because I began to surrender. I began to forge my own path rather than forcing someone else’s path to fit me. I began to notice what I have been doing already for years. What my patterns already are. When I feel most like me. Like nobody can take it away. Like it’s mine and it’s always been mine.

Which rooms do you feel you belong in, in general? Even when I was new at dance and aerial, years later, I never felt that I didn’t belong. I began aerial in my 30s, and I didn’t have any strength. It took me months to climb the silks to the top of the ceiling, but I belonged. I was born to be an aerialist. It’s like dancing in the air after all.

Where are the places that, even though they aren’t perfect, you feel or felt like you belonged there? Where are the places that even if everything was “perfect,” you still wouldn’t fit?

The Childhood Neglect Layer

Were you encouraged to explore the world as a child, adolescent, and young adult? Or did the world tell you who could be? Tell you who you should be? Some of us, or many of us, did not grow up with parents who met us where we were in our inner world. Children have big emotions. Every time a child is left alone in their internal world with their big emotions, they can feel as though something is wrong with them. When parents aren’t able to mirror their children’s experience, the child is left feeling off. The child may feel fear, but the parents tell them everything is fine. It doesn’t feel fine, so something must be wrong with me. This hinders self-trust. The child whose inner world wasn’t mirrored grows up to be an adult who is overcome with self-doubt. Could the impostor feeling be a lack of self-trust? I can’t trust myself because my inner world always felt off, because nobody met me there. The emotions in my body felt one way, but my feelings were dismissed.

I know I buried who I was in my own home, because my uniqueness wasn’t praised or understood. It definitely wasn’t celebrated. I was praised when I behaved as a good girl.

Is there a little child part of you that is still waiting to be seen and celebrated? Are you waiting for external permission to magically appear to do the things you long to do? Have you been forcing yourself into “safe” paths? We may know, cognitively, that we are adults with sovereignty and still not be able to act from the embodied self-trust place.

Your Gifts are hidden

Often, the things we got in trouble for as children are our gifts that we learned to hide. My big emotions were not accepted, certainly not encouraged. Since I was scared of being given away again, I buried everything about me that my parents didn’t praise or understand. Not everyone was abandoned at birth like I was, but many of us have still been abandoned in a thousand little ways by our parents.

Are your gifts & talents hidden and buried now, because they were dismissed or vilified when you were younger? My big emotions were dismissed throughout my younger years. When I was around 9 years old, my teacher wrote a comment on my writing assignment that it was too emotional. In 4th grade… I mean, really, lady? What does that even mean?

You could be overlooking your genius zone. Your genius zone is probably something you are naturally good at, not necessarily easy. Even with natural talent, it takes skill and practice to have mastery. I am naturally good at dance and aerial, and I also actively studied and practiced them for years. My natural talent was always there since day one; it was my skill level that increased.

The Adoptee Layer

Humans who came into this world and were relinquished early didn’t have a solid foundation of love, support, and nurture as nature intended. Our sense of self-worth was shaken, and we felt like impostors in our own families. We molded ourselves to belong in our families before we even had words. The older we became, and the more we ventured out of the house into society, the more we kept molding ourselves to fit. The more we buried our true selves. For me, I had to be an imposter to survive my family. Sometimes the feeling of not belonging runs deeper than words; deeper than memories. Sometimes we have to build a foundation of self-identity before we can go forth and forge our true path. And then find our place in the world that actually utilizes our gifts, talents, and passions.

REFLECTION Questions

1. Are you new at what you are pursuing and you need more practice, or do you feel like you are forcing it?
2. Does the thought of putting in the “10,000 hours” for mastery excite you, or do you feel dread?
3. Have you been focusing on improving your weaknesses or leaning into your strengths?
4. Are you pursuing something you want to do with your heart, not just something you are trying to convince yourself to do?
5. Are you only leaning into logic for your directions in life or are you truly passionate about your directions?
6. Which rooms and spaces do you feel the most alive, the most like yourself, like you belong?
7. Do you feel like the traditional advice of overcoming impostor syndrome would be beneficial to you with more support, or do you feel like there is something deeper happening?
8. Have you been living a life that isn’t yours, or are you being true to yourself?
9. Do you need more support because you are overwhelmed, or do you need to burn everything down and make space for something different?

Lasting Thoughts

I’ve felt like an impostor my entire life. What about you? What even does it really mean to feel like an impostor? It’s simply that you feel like you don’t belong. Notice how deep this feeling goes and how long it’s been there throughout your life. Maybe instead of “overcoming’ impostor syndrome, you can listen to the message that is trying to come through. If you truly feel like an impostor when you know you belong, then look into how to be more supported. If you receive more support and something still feels off, then reflect and reevaluate. Also, are you being realistic with where you are, considering how much time and effort you have put in? Don’t compare your first day to someone else’s 10,000th day.